The Archetype of the "Crazy" Woman

What defines a "crazy" woman and the dangers associated with this

I was listening to a podcast by History Extra called “Why are we fascinated by ‘evil women’?” and it got me thinking of the modern-day equivalent of the evil woman. Obviously, the acts of the women featured in the podcast were downright wicked and led to the harming of sentient life but on a much smaller scale, who are the women that are considered evil today? Today’s version of the evil woman is the “crazy woman”. This is the woman that is too emotional, too demanding, too fussy and with standards that are too high. She asks for the most ridiculous things and god forbid she ever states a boundary. How dare she? Today this woman is labelled as crazy; nothing more, nothing less. 

In the podcast, the general theme was how the actions of one evil woman were used to continue to oppress the wider community of women and girls. This led to the unfair characterisations of other women’s actions, with people comparing their unrelated acts to the popularised examples of evil. This is a similar theme seen with the “crazy” women of today, where for example men no longer take women seriously when they cry as that one time a woman used her tears as a weapon during an argument to gain sentiment on her end. It is always that one time!

Now, there is no denying that crying as a way to emotionally manipulate your partner is wrong; this is not something that should be tolerated or accepted in a partnership. However, to characterise all women who show emotion during an argument as crazy and potentially manipulative begins to set a dangerous precedent for women. It begins to set the standard that all emotional women are faking it and it allows men to belittle or dismiss their valid points in an argument. When the bottom line is that people are emotive and express this in various ways, one of these being tears. 

This feeds into the larger sentiment that women are seen as over-emotional or too attached to their feelings. However, in a situation where one needs to communicate their feelings to have a certain need met, this is a strength and not a weakness. To downplay the importance of this expression in a partnership and continue to overlook the severity of her needs because she is showing emotion leads to a situation where a woman no longer feels comfortable expressing herself. Even worse, she might end up gaslighting herself to believe that she is overthinking or overreacting to very valid issues she may have.

Mad Woman by Taylor Swift Lyrics

One common example of a crazy woman is the woman who complains about her partner’s Instagram following. Sure, it is insane to not want her partner to have a 90:10 ratio of IG models to friends and it is ludicrous for her to expect that their whole timeline doesn’t consist of more ass than anything else.

In that moment, the woman is communicating a need which is that it makes her feel uncomfortable for her partner to be constantly bombarded with other women in an explicit manner. It sounds like a completely sound need to not want this to be the case but instead, she is met with disregard, gaslighting and manipulation to make her seem like she is overreacting and it is “not that deep”. 

It is a dangerous road that we are going down if we continue to normalise this definition of ourselves. Since when did expressing humanity become crazy? It is not crazy to have a human reaction to an upsetting situation. To cry if you are upset, to get frustrated and loud if you are angry, to let your partner know that their actions make you feel uncomfortable or upset.

This continuous minimisation of our needs will lead us to get to a point where we internally gaslight ourselves before we even let them do it. As soon as something upsets you, your mind will be filled with questions such as, “Am I overreacting?”, “He didn’t mean to, right?”, “He is trying so hard so I should just let this one slide right?”. You are valid enough to communicate your needs and have them in the first place. It is not crazy to have a reaction and it is not crazy to have a standard for yourself. 

It is a huge disservice to internalise this message and allow it to fly. The same way a man who calls all his exes “crazy” is seen as a red flag, is the same way we need to walk away from a man who will call us crazy for just being ourselves. It is up to us to find people who want to uphold the meaning of the word “partnership”. To find a partnership where both people are met with kindness and understanding. Where openness and safety are a priority for both parties, they work in unison to ensure each person feels that way in the dynamic. Where mistakes are not condemned as clinical but instead understood as personal and therefore dealt with in a caring and patient way. 

As Philosopher Claudia Card said, “Many things are disappointing, undesirable or just bad without being evil”. Similarly, you are allowed to be messy and make mistakes without being labelled as crazy. You are allowed to just exist and have the natural flaws that come with that.