What I wish I'd known 5 years ago
Two style journeys, one honest conversation about growth, friction, and finding ease
Over the past few years, we’ve both been learning how to dress in ways that feel more honest — and more like ourselves. This conversation between myself and fellow style-thinker Ewelina from On Shopping My Closet is a reflection on the lessons we’ve picked up along the way. From shopping mistakes to mindset shifts, here’s what we each wish we’d known five years ago.
If you could give your five-years-ago self one sentence of style advice, what would it be?
Morenike: Five years ago, I realised I needed to stop living in my head and start living the life I wanted to dress for. I was constantly consuming media like Sex and the City, where their lives were as colourful as the outfits they wore. Something about being stuck indoors during COVID, without the possibility of living my own life, awakened me to this realisation. I’ve always been such a dreamer, but that can sometimes lead to inaction — so I decided that if I wanted to style myself the way I’d always dreamed, it was time to start living the life I’d always imagined too.
Ewelina: If I could give my five-years-ago self one sentence of style advice, it would be this: stop dressing for an imaginary version of your life. Back then, I clung to outdated style “rules,” overstuffed my closet with secondhand pieces that didn’t serve me, and kept separate wardrobes for home, office, and travel - as if I were playing different characters in each setting. Today, my style feels more cohesive, more intentional, and a lot more like me. I wish I’d known what I talk about here much sooner.
How has your relationship with colour changed over the past five years?
Morenike: My avoidant attachment to colour is slowly but surely becoming more secure, as I find subtle ways to incorporate it into my looks. My previous hesitancy towards colour was rooted in intimidation rather than not “believing” in it, and I avoided it from that perspective. The intimidation came from the fact that I found it overwhelming to incorporate into an outfit — suddenly having to consider the complementary tones of the other neutral clothing items I paired it with.
To overcome this, I started to introduce colour slowly by using accessories as a gateway into more vibrant tones within my mostly neutral outfits. More recently, I’ve opted for less vibrant shades, which allow me to experiment while still staying in my muted comfort zone. I also find that summer styling lets me play with more saturated colours, because with fewer items — a top, bottom, and shoe — I worry less about making many layers feel cohesive.
What’s one piece of “style dogma” you’ve completely let go of?
Ewelina: “Oversized, slouchy, voluminous isn’t doing my body any good.” That was the dogma I held onto for years. There was a time when the slouchiest pant I’d wear was a boot-cut style (my favorite, which I still own and wear for business occasions is Theory’s Demitria wool pants). I just didn’t understand the concept of hiding my body under all that unnecessary volume. And it wasn’t coming from insecurity - I didn’t feel like I had something to hide. That was seriously my reasoning: why wear clothes that don’t show off what I have?
When I write this today, it feels so dated - and just so not me. Funny how our perception changes. Mine definitely started shifting thanks to my personal shopper and stylist, and later, through discovering Tibi. That’s when I began to see volume not as something to hide behind, but as a deliberate design choice. It became less about revealing my body and more about shaping the silhouette, creating proportion and expressing ease. Now, slouch feels like confidence - not compromise.
What do you pay attention to now when choosing a piece – that you didn’t notice before?
Morenike: Definitely the proportions. I’m a stickler for how things fall on the body, especially as someone who strives for effortlessness when getting dressed. I want to trust that the pieces I buy will be flattering no matter the circumstance. For me, this means either an extremely relaxed silhouette — a wider or baggier leg trouser — or something with a strong point of view, like a straight-leg skirt or tailored trouser.
Another thing I notice when choosing a piece is the small details that make all the difference. Buttons are my favourite — they add so much personality to a piece, whether large and sculptural or arranged asymmetrically. They tell a story without you having to open your mouth, and I really enjoy that. I also love a good pocket or collar detail, especially when one of them is exaggerated, as it adds an edge to a classic feature on a garment.
What role does friction play in your wardrobe now – and how would you explain it to your past self?
Ewelina:
It’s funny how I’ve always been interested in fashion and putting outfits together, but looking back, I didn’t really have much knowledge to apply to my styling attempts. Not that I wasn’t pleased with most of my outfits, but I didn’t understand why they worked — and, worse, why others didn’t.
I didn’t see my closet as a toolbox. I didn’t realize that every single item had characteristics that could either help or work against what I was trying to create.
Eventually, when I started to educate myself – mostly through Tibi’s blog and style classes – I felt empowered and informed.
So how would I explain friction to my past self? Friction, or the “good ick,” is that (no longer so secret) ingredient that creates depth, interest, and a sense of three-dimensionality in a look. It’s the final finish. You can apply it through color, texture, or the deliberate use of a “wrong” something – shoe, bottom, top, jewelry – that makes the outfit feel more alive.
How has your understanding of ease evolved – in both dressing and style philosophy?
Morenike: My understanding of ease has evolved from something rooted in accessibility to something rooted in understanding. When I was struggling with my style, I thought ease was linked to how easily you could purchase an item and have it in your wardrobe. But this led to me constantly buying things that missed the mark, leaving me feeling disjointed in my style presentation.
When I stepped back and really tried to understand my motivations when getting dressed or shopping for new pieces, everything started to click into place. Getting to this point took work and intentionality — really dissecting my desires and constantly collecting data on what I was attracted to and why. But once I got there, it became a lot more straightforward to spot items or styling choices that felt aligned with who I was and what I wanted to express through the clothes I wear. That’s where the true sense of ease began.
How has understanding your own lifestyle changed the way you buy and wear clothes?
Ewelina: The funny thing is, over the years I’ve started differentiating less and less between the different areas of my life.
Five years ago, I still had clothes that were strictly for home or reserved for summer holidays. I don’t think like that anymore. Aside from a couple of pieces I keep at the summerhouse, everything else is part of one integrated wardrobe.
The only real exceptions are my hiking gear and gym clothes - functional outliers.
Otherwise, if it’s in my closet, it’s fair game for work, weekends, city walks, or even business trips. That blurring of boundaries has not only made getting dressed easier, but also improved the overall usage of my wardrobe - which means a lower cost per wear and fewer forgotten pieces sitting idle.
How has your idea of “elegance” changed?
Morenike: I used to outsource elegance in the form of a lipstick choice or heel height. But maturing into my style philosophy has allowed me to internalise the feeling of elegance as the confidence that comes from understanding my style. There is nothing more graceful than feeling comfortable in your skin, and the clothing we wear plays a huge role in amplifying who we know ourselves to be internally.
I no longer rely on clothes to feel elegant — I use clothes to tell my inner story. That shift in perspective has been incredibly freeing and has changed the way I approach style altogether.
What mindset shift around shopping do you wish you’d had five years ago?
Ewelina: Be patient when curating your wardrobe - that’s the mindset shift I wish I’d had five years ago.
I went through a phase (and yes, I still slip up sometimes) where I added too many secondhand pieces, often quite random. At the time, they felt like a good idea - they were preloved, so I wasn’t doing any harm, right?
But in hindsight, I was doing harm to my style. Those impulse additions diluted my closet, led to frustration, and eventually ended up being cleared out.
What I’ve learned is that not every secondhand piece deserves a place just because it’s sustainable. I actually function better with some real newness - not necessarily brand new, but current.
Many of my favorite Tibi pieces are secondhand, but they feel fresh - often just mistake buys from someone else. That kind of secondhand still adds energy to my wardrobe, instead of dragging it down.
Looking ahead: what’s one style lesson you hope your future self will learn?
Morenike: I hope to keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone and to lead with curiosity as I expand my style. Getting dressed is such a joyful way to express the vastness of our life experience, and I want to keep finding playful ways to do that.
Ewelina: I hope my future self keeps refining, not reinventing. That she stays open to new proportions, unexpected pairings, and the occasional wild-card piece — but always with intention. The most powerful shift is knowing when something feels right for you, even if it goes against what’s trending.
Style is always evolving — sometimes quietly, sometimes all at once. Wherever you are on your journey, we hope this conversation reminds you that there’s space for reflection, play, and intentional growth.
Thanks for reading :) - Morenike and Ewelina (On Shopping My Closet)
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Morenike, your outfits always get a screenshot and save from me!! I loved this collab between you and Ewelina!
Such a good one! Love the comparisons and I can't help but to think about what I'll say to myself in 5 years hah!